Tuscan Milk: One Gallon 128 Fluid Ounces

Have you ever discovered something that is so absurd, yet so hilarious that the more that you look, the more you are doubled over in pain from laughing? I’ve had that experience many times, but the most recent one was when my dad showed me the reviews for milk on Amazon. This wasn’t just any milk, it was Tuscan Whole Milk: one gallon 128 fluid ounces. What these people did was genius. All of the comments were either dumb complaints, poems, or stories. My family and sat around the table for about an hour, laughing our heads off. A while back, The New York Times wrote an article about crazy commenters, and since then, more ridiculous reviews have been posted. Now, I know that I’m a little late on the Tuscan Milk bandwagon, but it’s never too late to sit and laugh for a while.

Picture courtesy of amazon.com

Some of my favorites are…

“This was by far the freshest milk I have ever tasted. It still had that ‘new milk smell’. I poured some in strategic spots in my house and car, so I can enjoy the smell for weeks to come.”

“This milk worked well when I first got it, but within a few days it wouldn't hold a charge. I called their customer service department and, I don't know if it's in Bangalore or Ireland, but I couldn't understand a word that they said and they began to scream at me.

Finally, though, they sent me another one - but that wouldn't hold a charge, either. I'm beginning to wonder if this is truly meant to be a portable product. I still haven't been able to retrieve my email and the video is murky.

It's a bit heavy, too, to wear on your belt. The good news is that it keeps your hip cool during this sultry summer weather - for a while.”

“I bought this milk a few days ago; it arrived today, and when I opened it, it was a literal explosion of rainbows and kittens. No cows could have made this milk. No, I suspect unicorns.”

“My wife gave birth to our first born in a bathtub filled with Tuscan Whole Milk, she felt no pain at any stage. He is now 5 years old and completing his PhD in quantum bio-mechanics.”

"Doesn't taste a darn thing like a Toucan. I thought "whoa, tropical bird flavor". Boy was I wrong. Returning this immediately.”

If these reviews were able to cheer me up after a crappy day, then someone in this world is doing something right. I know that this post is fairly short, but it has been a long first semester of high school. It’s my pleasure to announce that by the end of Friday, we will be half-way done with the year! My challenge this week is to find a new obsession to laugh at; one that you can tell about to your friends, until they are so sick of it that they want to punch you in the face. My quote today comes from one of the most majestic human beings. Sadly, this truly amazing man just passed away. “I re-invented my image so many times that I’m in denial that I was originally an overweight Korean woman.” -David Bowie

~Rachael